Recommended Reading: On Loneliness and Depersonalisation
It's that time of year when I read all my open tabs and send you so, so many things to read.
I feel like this should be a public service announcement.
PSA: Do you need a break from doomscrolling? Do you need an alternative type of doomscrolling? Do you need more tabs to open? Here! Open Sugar’s Recommended Reading!
I have been actively reading more fiction, and more physical books in print; perhaps that second clause is redundant. No matter.
That being said, there are certain articles that I come across that I end up sending to multiple people, insisting that though they are long (and I know that many people don’t have the time or patience to read longer-form articles as I do), that they must read them. Allison Pugh’s article from June, The unseen: Our crisis of work and technology is one in which too many people feel that nobody sees them as a fellow human being, is one of those articles. The core of the article is this:
Instead, pundits and policymakers are applying the word ‘loneliness’ to address a real and growing problem, but they are applying the wrong diagnosis. What they might call ‘loneliness’ is actually a different sort of crisis, one of depersonalisation. Depersonalisation is what happens when people feel not exactly lonely, but rather profoundly invisible. What is missing here is what scholars call ‘recognition’, ‘mattering’ or ‘being seen’ – the notion that you are seen and heard, even emotionally understood, by the people around you, as opposed to feeling insignificant or invisible to others.
Though one might reflexively (as I did) think that this depersonalization can be chalked up to technology and smartphones, there are many intersecting reasons (from standardized environments to productivity time pressures to community constraints) that exacerbate this feeling of being seen or not, mattering or not, to others. But importantly (in my mind and interests…), Pugh points out,
If we are facing a depersonalisation crisis, why is all the talk about loneliness? I think this is, in part, because the focus on loneliness serves the interests of those who would sell us its solution – ironically, some of the same characters who are helping to cause the problem in the first place…
Technologists want us to focus on loneliness, not depersonalisation. Of course, social media platforms like Facebook, Reddit or Instagram are a bundle of contradictions for people’s relationships with friends and family, with plenty of implications for loneliness. The screens take us away from being fully present with people in our immediate environs, even as social media also enhances ties further afield…
It is this contradictory knot of ambivalence that brings people back, again and again, to find interactions on these platforms, whose billionaire owners have a continued interest in stoking the so-called loneliness crisis. Marketers know: ‘Sell the problem you solve, not the product.’
There is so much more in this article to dig into. Screens take us away from being present with people in our immediate environs. I feel like a luddite when I complain about the chatbot or the automated computer ordering system at a counter restaurant, but I just want to be able to ask the cashier what her favorite menu item is! How quickly we’ve glossed over the importance of minimal social interactions.
At any rate - go read the whole thing. Call me for an actual phone conversation. Call me to have an actual coffee or lunch date in the city (New York City, that is). I’ll be in NZ in January, want to get together down there?!
I hope you find other articles of interest below.
IN PRINT:
Whale by Cheon Myeong-kwan Tr. from Korean by Chi-Young Kim
Drive Your Plow Over the Bones of the Dead by Olga Tokarczuk Tr. from Polish by Antonia Lloyd-Jones
The Hairdresser’s Son by Gerbrand Bakker Tr. from Dutch by David Colmer
The Living and the Rest by José Eduardo Agualusa Tr. from Portuguese by Daniel Hahn
LISTEN / WATCH / BUY : A SEXUAL HISTORY OF THE INTERNET by Mindy Seu (Play the Stories Highlights all the way through to view the performance!)
This performance, that I attended at Performance Space New York in early Oct., may deserve its own write-up…
RECOMMENDED READING - Top of Mind
The unseen: Our crisis of work and technology is one in which too many people feel that nobody sees them as a fellow human being Allison J. Pugh (June 2025)
Ingredients for Brilliance An immersive ‘flow state’ isn’t only accessible to great artists and athletes. You can find your flow too. Here’s how Julia F. Christensen (June 2025)
Modern neuroscience distinguishes between two mental states: one of striving, where a surge of dopamine keeps us laser-focused on external goals like winning, perfection or achievement – and another of serene presence, where we hover in the moment, simply being. In this latter state, our neural chemistry shifts; endogenous opioids and endocannabinoids fill the brain, bringing feelings of deep satisfaction, fulfilment and joy in the now.
Motivation psychologists distinguish these two states as extrinsic and intrinsic motivation for what we’re doing. The former takes hard work and discipline to keep us going. The latter propels us forward, as by magic: flow. Research even shows that those more prone to enter the flow state might have lower risk of mental health problems and cardiovascular disease.
America Is Sliding Toward Illiteracy Declining standards and low expectations are destroying American education Idrees Kahloon (Oct 2025)
How We Became Captives Of Social Media Today’s social media has shifted from social networking platforms to AI-enhanced conveyor belts of vapid entertainment. Is there any escape? Mike Mariani (Aug 2025)
AI Slop Might Finally Cure Our Internet Addiction Chatbots are making so much of the web unreliable that they could nudge more people offline.Emma Marris (July 2025)
The Colorful History of Tarot Is as Mesmerizing as the Decks Themselves The original meaning behind the cards, first created 500 years ago, still remains elusive. But that didn’t stop our reporter from traveling to Milan in an effort to find out. John Last (July/August issue, 2025)
A Writer Who Did What Hillbilly Elegy Wouldn’t In her new book, Beth Macy returns to her Trump-voting hometown to find out how America got so divided Alex Kotlowitz (Oct 2025)
NEWS / LONG-FORM JOURNALISM
The Death of Partying in the U.S.A.—and Why It Matters Young Americans today spend 70 percent less time attending or hosting parties than they did at the beginning of the 21st century. Why? Derek Thompson (July 2025)
In Russia, Bookstores Offer a Shrinking Refuge as Censorship Tightens Ivan Nechepurenko (Nov 2025)
The Life and Death of the American Foodie When food culture became pop culture, a new national persona was born. We regret to inform you, it’s probably you. Jaya Saxena (Sept 2025)
The Skinny Font Taking Over Tech Companies and the White House After decades of obscurity, a bookish style of lettering is everywhere. Some typeface connoisseurs say it’s gone too far. Katie Deighton (Nov 2025)
How Poland became Europe’s surprise economic success story The European Union is struggling to find economic bright spots. But, on the EU’s eastern flank, one major economy is shining bright: Poland’s. What can it teach the rest of the bloc? Arthur Sullivan (Oct 2025)
For Gen Z-ers, Work Is Now More Depressing Than Unemployment Jessica Grose (Nov 2025)
Today’s ‘Skinny Influencers’ Are Selling Something More Mind-Bending Than Weight Loss They peddle a deeper fantasy: that you can stop thinking about food at all. But their advice seems to have the opposite effect. Zoe Yu (Oct 2025)
One Hour. No Phones. A New Way to Socialize for Gen Z. A campus movement aims to find out what happens when college students forgo phones for in-person connection. Cristina Caron (Sept 2025)
New York’s subway is waging a war on fare evasion with hostile architecture The MTA says the spiked partitions it has introduced at 180-plus stations have helped reduce evasions. But at what cost? Elissaveta M. Brandon (Oct 2025)
The Great Ghosting Paradox Is there a social phenomenon that’s as infuriating—and as commonplace? Anna Holmes (Oct 2025)
FRANCE 24 presents “We’ll make it home together” Suzanne and Simone, a friendship at Ravensbrück A multimedia documentary by Stéphanie Trouillard and Claire Paccalin (April 2025)
AI / STARTUPS / TECH
How I’m Preparing My Parents—And Myself—To Be Fluent in AI On a family trip, I got locked out of the latest technologies. Here’s what it taught me about AI literacy. Vivien Meng (Aug 2025)
AI is coming for your side hustle New tech isn’t just coming for your job — it’s also coming for your extra income Emily Stewart (Oct 2025)
When Everything Is Fake, What’s the Point of Social Media? Andrew R. Chow (Oct 2025)
SCIENCE / BRAIN / MIND / HEALTH
The sci-fi hypothesis that explains why you click with certain people You may actually be on the same wavelength. Jonny Thomson (Oct 2025)
How different mushrooms learned the same psychedelic trick Scientists may have additional tools to produce psilocybin to use for medical purposes. Fabrizio Alberti (Oct 2025)
PERSONAL NARRATIVE / ART / FICTION
Never Start an Affair with a Brilliant Person Either the affair stops, or you marry and become just another version of the wife—never seen as fellow artist at all Pat Lipsky (Sept 2025)
At 84, Painter Pat Lipsky Is Returning to Her Color-Soaked Origins Maxwell Rabb (Oct 2025)
New York City Is the Cruelest Place I’ve Ever Lived An excerpt from “Before They Were Men” by Jacob Tobia (Aug 2025)
My Drag Mother Was the Center of Our Family’s Orbit If they were going to call me a freak, I wanted to surround myself with as many other freaks as possible Leah Mell (July 2025)
Rosalind Belben Reflects on the Foreplay of Wordplay The author of “Dreaming of Dead People” discusses sexuality, double standards in art, and the vicissitudes of literary publishing Rhian Sasseen interviews Rosalind Belben (Aug 2025)
The Writer Who Turned Gossip Into Art Linda Rosenkrantz mined her conversations with Peter Hujar and other artists. Now, she’s the one with something to say. Amanda Fortini (Oct 2025)f
Friendship is My Writing Process Swapping laptops at coffee shops, asking for ideas, sending emails and texts and voice notes are essential to my art Ana Hein (Aug 2025)
A Future Where Your Memories Can Be Shared—and Banned Yiming Ma’s debut novel “These Memories Do Not Belong to Us” imagines a prescient dystopia of frightening technologies and censorship Lilian Li interview Yiming Ma (Aug 2025)
The Pleasure of Patterns in Art The interplay between repetition and variation is central to how we perceive structure, rhythm, and depth across mediums. Samuel Jay Keyser (Aug 2025)
These Carson McCullers Stories Are Haunted By Mothers Who Can’t Be Their Authentic Selves Women, men, and children alike are confined and defined by the artifice of the “tradwife” Acree Graham Macam (July 2025)
Documenting My Life So I Don’t Forget If memories warp each time we recall them, is nothing I remember accurate? Saachi Gupta (June 2025)
How the nature of friendship has changed through the centuries Bénedicte Sère (July 2025)
Italy’s Garden of Monsters: Why did a Renaissance duke fill his wooded park with gargantuan stone sculptures? Daniel Weiss (July/August 2025)
‘I realised I’d been ChatGPT-ed into bed’: how ‘Chatfishing’ made finding love on dating apps even weirder Alexandra Jones (Oct 2025)
She Stole My Heart and My Favorite Toe “Darling, Darling,” flash fiction by Riddhi Dastidar (Oct 2025)
The Mild Mannered Englishman Who Was the World’s Most Prolific Ghost Hunter Ben Machell on Paranormal Investigator Tony Cornell (Oct 2025)
An Indigenous Takeover of the Met Asks Who Should Be Writing Art History Tessa Solomon (Oct 2025)
I Watched Stand-Up in Saudi Arabia What the surreal Riyadh Comedy Festival foretold about the kingdom’s future Helen Lewis (Oct 2025)
My First Lover Was the Bathtub Faucet An excerpt from “The Dry Season” by Melissa Febos (June 2025)